USA Bus Lines

How is this book i am writing? Plz tell me!?

Hey that is all i have written so far, is it good or bad? Do you like it or not? Thanks i really need to know! Sorry if there is grammar mistakes, this is just my rough draft!!! :) the four year old kendra, she is very well mannered and acts more like a 10 year old.....its weird, but thats my character :)

Public Comments

1. Sorry. I couldn't get through half the first chapter. You're about 14, right? Maybe I'm just too old to appreciate it...
2. Wow, you have some great, creative ideas in this piece! I think it's interesting that they dream about each other's lives,etc. And you were good with the creepy factor of the little girl. There are a few things though, that could be improved on. like, at the very beginning, I would like them to have a better way to meet. Also, just add a few more details about the setting throughout, so it feels more real. (And one more thing--a 4 year old probably wouldnt be left home all alone while her mom goes shopping) But you have a good start, and I hope you keep writing!!
3. I read a good portion of this, but not all. It seems to me that you are writing about some things you don't know, like four-year old girls (any children around that age), and motels, and perhaps time. Examples: children that age aren't 'lazy' or 'lying around a lot.' Not at all. Also, there is no way a four-year old could have been in all those different places and even remember them enough for you to write something like 'she didn't want to live somewhere for a whole year.' Kendra would barely know what a whole year feels like. Also: there are lots of extra 'y' s on words (especially the word 'the'), and you first refer to Eliza's eyebrows as raising 'my single eyebrow'... (see how that sounds?) And when you mention Kendra's new friend as having something to do with killing, I thought Kendra's mother killed her, not the conclusion your character makes. And if a motel room is on the third floor, it will not have a number that starts with '1,' nor have I ever heard of any motel or hotel door having a 'cat door' in it. And why does this one? RE: dreams, staying awake, people to search for or not... The part about each person dreaming the other's life has been almost done in, in movies at least, most recently by one which stars Emma Thompson and Will Farrell, though she is a writer writing his life. Suggest you stick with things you know, at least in details. Keep trying... keep practicing, and keep reading.
4. Wow that was the best stroy ever! TThanks for wiriting your book. That is very good! Oh, and did you like my book that i worte to you?
5. Well! You do have a knack for writing conversation. That's what people enjoy a whole lot and it is such a great story. I read a lot of books in a lot of categories and have started my own book. Haven't worked on it in some time though. For a first draft, this is marvelous. I can surmise where this story is going, but I may be wrong. Do you know where the story is going, how you want to end the book. What you want the reader to experience. It sounds like a thriller. It thrilled me, can't wait to read the rest.