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I need help understanding my brother?

He's 20 years old and a bit different. I think he's confused about his sexuality, one time when he was 16 he yelled at my dad and he was violent and said he was gay, and that was his problem, and then right away he said he didn't mean it and that he was being confused etc. He never focuses to one goal, one day a boxer, the next a baseball player, a swimmer, a academy award winner and so on, its very scattered but he says he'll accomplish all of this, but he's never pursued acting and he was a poor swimmer. My dad doesn't really...cease the dreams and help him focus, if my brother says something say "I want to go to this school" And the school is 2000 miles away and he's already enrolled in another school, my dad will say something along the lines of "Ok but I can't do anything about it now I'm to busy, figure it out yourself and we'll try to make it happen" Basically sugar coating it, when infact with our money situation, I don't think we can afford that. He started becoming different when he was in 6th grade, we moved to the midwest and he really didn't want to go. He was picked on by the other kids because he was better at certain sports, he was called gay, and called a girl, and some physical assualt to, such as getting beat up by a older kid for being different, and at lunch he would get food thrown at him and at the bus stop he would get rocks chucked at his head all the time. It only got worse when our dog was hit by a car and he had to go to a mental hospital, he was so insecure and we couldn't do anything, my mom was at a loss and it was what our grandparents suggested. From that point he really hated animals and all of our pets, he refused to get close to them, and our pets are treated like family, they are a big part in our lives. Basically he suffered a lot of abuse during that time (11-13) he was homeschooled because my mom refused to bring him back to that school, and then he moved back to where we were living before, and he got better for a while, we moved back to our old neighborhood, he went to the middle school he wanted to and then it was pretty much ok. Then highschool came and he had bad luck with girls, and his grades floundered, he barely passed. He was on the baseball team but quit because he was struggling so bad with school work. He went to a different highschool, one that was far away and he didn't want to go to it but in the end liked it. I guess not to much happened there, but he started dressing strange, such as wearing shirts that were really stand outish and strange, like collared shirts with dragons on them and floral print with a weird base color. He's always been violent and angry, he's punched walls, he's emotional and sensitive and very shy around people. His mood flips, he'll be nice to me, but then terrible to me, he'll say something just horrible to me, and then he'll take it back and be all "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't mean it" its sincere but he does this ALL the time that I forgive him but its just hard to get over it. His boss said he was slow to me regarding his work, which I've noticed too. And he also is extremely scared about his body image. He doesn't want to get fat, so he won't eat at times. No matter what, everyone trys to feed him but nothing changes. He does eat, but freaks out if the scale reads 140 instead of 138 lbs. He's not short, almost 6ft so he can deffinately gain weight. I just really need help in how I can understand him, like what I can do. I'm not trying to seem like a judgy, mean person, I want to help him.

Public Comments

1. That is a very sad story - I'm sorry. I believe he may have mild autism, a birth defect that grants the child social and learning disabilities. If you want to know more, take a look at this: https://health.google.com/health/ref/Autism If not, he is just confused. Someone needs to take the 'leadership' roll and put him on the right track. Push him to accomplish and succeed. I'm sure he'll turn out okay, eventually. Good luck!
2. there's nothing you can do about it really. the best thing you can do is to convince him to see a therapist because it sounds like he's very depressed. only a professional can help him in my opinion. you just gotta ignore when he's mean to you, don't react because im sure he's not doing/saying things on purpose. you can also try talking to him, explain how you feel and tell him how he has changed since he was in 6th grade and ask him if he wants to talk to anyone. just show him that you're there for him and you'll support him no matter what. maybe he just needs someone to talk to.
3. I think you are right about his sexuality. There is a saying in the gay community that hetero skinny is not the same as gay skinny. It sounds to me like he is involved with the gay community , so that whatever else he has going on with him, this is or could be ahuge factor. It is difficult to say what else is going on with him, besides all that, which is a lot. It could be his hormones are out of balance or that he is doing recreational drugs, effecting his moods, as well. He could benefit from some therapy , and there are gay therapists that he could talk to as well. trevorproject.org glma.org aglp.org Just talk to him about it, and keep it to yourself. He will sort it all out. You can give him the sites above also. If it is anything more than the stress he is in, then it will be something that he can get help for.