USA Bus Lines

Essay10 points help ?

The best experience I had with public transportation was when I took a bus to New York. I was always interested in heading to New York City ever since I was 13. My mother told me I was far too young to travel to New York alone, and that I had to wait for another 5 years. I replied saying that I would be 18 then, and a college freshman. She told me she cared for my safety, and I would have to wait. Of course I couldn’t win this argument since she was the parent and I was just a child at the time. So I went to my room and marked down the date when I finally reach 18 on my birthday. After a few years I officially turned 18. My mother came home from work on a Friday and told me to start packing. It was during the summer I had planned this trip for. I was thrilled to see the sights in New York. I went online to check the statues of the bus schedules. After I had the information I was ready to leave for tomorrow. It was Saturday morning when my mother came into my room to tell me to wake up or I’ll miss my bus. I got up and showered, put my casual clothes on since fashion is a major pat of the city aspects took my luggage and was ready to leave. My mother dropped me off at the Bus stop. The bus had arrived exactly on time. I boarded the bus and sat next to a large window for passengers to view sightings. The bus was ready to departure. During the bus ride I notice small T.V screens, A.C, soft cushion chairs, and cup holders. The ride to New York took approximately 2 hours but I didn’t care for how long it took, the ride was wonderful with all of these things it had to offer. Once the bus came to a stop I knew I was at the Port Authority Bust Terminal. Passengers and I departed from the bus. I called my father telling him I made it. He said ‘’Well done my boy’’ meet me at 42nd street. From there I stated to explore New York City with my father who was of course already experienced. - How does this sound? - Is it ok what should I change? - Need opnions/ help age -18 Student

Public Comments

1. when you write numbers in an essay put thirteen instead of 13. (for example.) Other than that, job well done mate :] keep up the good work!
2. It needs to be more specific--Give concrete details and Check your spelling....Editing can never hurt--you have a couple misspelled words/grammar issues. When I say give details--explain how the train ride felt--you tell us about the train, but you don't tell us how it made you feel while riding--What made it your best experience? You only tell us why you were riding the bus---it's more background information than experience.
3. I agree with the vegan. It is more... UM... "proper" I guess, to put the words instead of numbers. Other than that, it's pretty good.
4. The story is ok. But you need to go back and revise your grammar. It's bus "schedules" not "statues" "Bus Terminal" not "bust" There are other grammatical errors, but they won't fail you.